Mountains and Valleys

It's July 2009 and we're now home from the craziest vacation ever!  Our Price is Right experience inspired us to get home and get to work.  We were crazy motivated to get the adoption process rolling...let the research begin!  At first, we were very interested in international adoption, our hearts were in Haiti.  I had made 5 trips to that country and sponsored my Wisly there since I was in the 8th grade and he was only 6 months old.  My husband made one of those trips with me when he was my boyfriend.  The fact that he had saved up his money for months working part time nights at FedEx to go on that trip is kinda what made me fall for him;)  Anyway, that's neither here nor there (always wanted to say that:).  We loved the country and loved it's people.  However, one of us had to be 35 to adopt from Haiti and since we'd already been waiting nearly 4 years to start our family, waiting 7 more wasn't really an option.  We looked at Ethiopia, South Korea, Taiwan, the Phillipines...not because of any connection we felt to those countries but because we had qualifying ages.  We looked at things like: where the adoptions were finalized, how long annual reports on the children were required, the ages of the children, the wait for adoption, and of course, the cost.  The estimate on adoptions in all of these countries was roughly $30,000, there was no such thing as a newborn baby, and the waits...agonizingly long.  It's hard to put into words but when you want a baby like yesterday, years ago actually, the thought of waiting for more years just kinda breaks your heart.  At this point I was definitely over pregnancy, for a few reasons, but one of them was that 9 months was even too long to wait.  We wanted the baby we conceived so badly, we loved her, and she was lost (I just know she was a girl).  That was now almost 3 years ago.  We loved Julie's baby, and he was lost.  We were so close twice, I was so close to being a mom, and I just didn't want to wait anymore, we didn't want to wait anymore.  So domestic adoption it is. 
Okay, before I go deeper into that, I have to tell you about a phone call that took place in the midst of our research.  A few days after we got back from vaca, I got a call from DCS (dept of child services).  The call was about a preadoptive placement.  She wanted to know if we would be available to pick up a baby (born that day) from the hospital in two days.  Um...yes!  Yes yes yes!  We're available!  Is this real life?  I may have actually asked her that, it was a common question that summer;)  I hung up the phone in a fog like condition, somewhat like I did after hearing about Julie, only this time I was in a different place and was WAY more excited.  When I told my husband, he was excited but guarded.  He remembered how much it hurt before and was in protective mode.  Not me, I was thrilled to death.  I was in a state of praise and I couldn't stop thinking about holding that baby, just picking him up from the hospital and holding him.  My arms were SO ready.  I was supposed to wait for a phone call the next day but I couldn't, so I called her.  Fear was creeping in and I remember telling her I was afraid "Aunt Rita" was gonna crawl out of the woodwork and come to get him.  She giggled and said "well that could happen, but it hasn't yet, I'll give you a call tomorrow".  Tomorrow came and I waited, I got a call, Aunt Rita had come.  I was devastated.  Why in the world did that happen?  What was the purpose for breaking my spirit again?  It felt like an awful joke, my hearts desire dangled in my face for 48 hours and then quickly snatched away for no reason at all.  It hurt.  My husband was wise for being guarded, I don't think he shed a tear that time.   I won't pretend to know God's purpose in this.  I don't and that's okay, we're not supposed to know all the ways of a God we can't fully comprehend.  What I do know is that He faithfully restores my joy and wants what's best for us.  I know that Romans 8:28 says "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose".  Love Him...check:)  And we ARE called, I have NO lingering questions about that:)  Healing was quick.  We were in the middle of a mission and our sense of urgency was only heightened by this experience.   
We began researching local agencies.  I'll tell you what made my heart pound.  I found an agency on the internet, it offered 3 different adoption plans.  What was I looking at on each plan?  The waits.  The plan 3 wait was 0-3 months...0-3 months!!!  This can't be right, how is that even possible?  So I called...it wasn't a typo.  Plan 3 was the plan that defined African American/ biracial adoptions within this agency.  The fact was that they had many more African American birthmoms than white birthmoms waiting for adoptive couples.  There were more white couples than there were white babies being born, so the wait was a long one.   There was close to zero AA/biracial couples signed on with the agency.  And there weren't may white couples interested in transracial adoptions.  Therefore, if a white couple was interested in a transracial adoption, the wait was 0-3 months because they had moms that were 9 months pregnant and still didn't have a match.  After she was done explaining, I explained that I didn't care if our baby was hot pink.  I asked her if all of this meant that we could have a baby by Christmas and her response, "absolutely".  That was it, we talked it over and that was our agency.  Our most important criteria was met far above any expectations we had...we were going to have a baby, and it would be here soon:)  The process to becoming an active adoptive couple with this agency would take more time than we would spend waiting to be matched and waiting for the baby after the match combined.  Let the paperwork, seminars, interviews, physicals, blood tests, background checks, and homestudy begin!  We were so grateful for the clarity and definition we now had.  We did something...something big, and it felt good.  We were an excited little couple in the middle of our summer vacation as we both worked in education.  Our hearts had been broken a few times but we were mended and ready to love.  We were ready to go back to school in the fall and continue completing our adoption work in the evenings.  Life is good and God is great.  Little did we know what He had in store for us next...just around the corner our world would be rocked...and rolled...and turned inside out and upside down.  Our rollercoaster was just getting started!  Stay tuned for details:)
I love our history book and I love sharing it...thanks for reading along!
Love,
Crazy Mama Crook