Hearts broken = Hearts open

It was the end of March, 2009.  We were loving on our sweet Elijah and minding our own business when I quite possibly received the most random phone call of my life.  The call was from my husband's sister, we hadn't talked on the phone in years.  She knew someone, a girl named Julie.  Julie was homeless, 8 months pregnant, and had no plans on keeping the baby, she had no plan at all.  My sister-in-law was calling because we were the 1st people she thought of after hearing Julie's story.  She knew we lost our baby, she knew we wanted a baby, soooooo how about Julie's baby?  A perfect plan, right?  Oh she was so sweet, hopeful, and excited while she shared this news with me.  I remember hanging up the phone in a fog.  The enthusiasm she had while sharing her thoughts, had rubbed off a little.  I was a bit dazed and confused.  Adoption...that was a word that JT and I had never discussed.  I mean, we had been pregnant before and were hoping to be pregnant again.  Adoption just wasn't on our radar.  We loved our role as foster parents, but we dove headfirst into that ministry, with no intention to adopt.  We wanted to love the children entrusted to us and minster to moms and dads.  We believed God laid this desire on our hearts and this was what He wanted of us.  If we started keeping the children, that would seriously hurt our numbers:) 
Adoption...the A word...exciting, confusing, scary.  I had to tell my husband.  I remember him being pessimistic, like this isn't for real...SO incredibly random.  I was supposed to call my s-i-l back if we were interested in meeting Julie.  After talking it over for a day or two, we said "what the heck, why not?"  This has to be a God thing.  Saying no just seemed wrong.  Julie needed a family for her baby and we could be them.  We desperately wanted to be forever parents and it felt like God was speaking to us "think quickly children, I'm giving you your hearts desire the way I want to...is it not good enough for you?"  And when that is the whisper you hear from your Savior, it's a good idea to follow His lead:)
So we met Julie in a restaurant, along with her best friend, and JT's sister.  The 1st thing I noticed about her was how much she looked like my husband, they looked like siblings.  She had a very small frame, light skin, freckles, and strawberry blonde hair.  The next thing I noticed was that she reeked of cigarette smoke...I hate smoking.  The meeting was friendly and awkward.  Julie's friend did most of the talking...asking a lot of questions.  Overall, it went well, ended with hugs, and we walked away with an "is this real life?" sort of feeling.  We talked about how we knew nothing about Julie medically, were there more addictions than the cigarettes?  Was she getting prenatal care?  Our meeting was friendly but very uninformative.  It felt too awkward to ask the hard questions, the ones you really do want answers to.  But it was okay, we had peace, and we were overwhelmed with excitement.  We were having a baby...in less than a month!
I contacted a wonderful attorney and she told us everything we needed to do, ppwk, homestudy, etc.  She went with us to a broken down motel to meet Julie and get some papers signed.  That is a whole other scary story in itself.  We had our homestudy completed and I kept in touch with Julie, calling the hotel occasionally to check on her.
It was just a few short weeks later, during one of those calls when I heard the words "sorry, but we changed our minds."  Julie said her boyfriend wanted her to give the baby to a couple they weren't connected to, and since she knew JT's sister, we weren't that couple.  She only had a week or so left in her pregnancy, and to this day I still don't know what happened to that precious baby boy.  I know she had an older child that was being raised by a relative.  My educated guess is that he too is being raised by a relative or he was adopted through the foster care system. 
Nevertheless, our hearts were broken to pieces, why on earth would God do this to us?  After all, we didn't go looking for Julie, she found us.  We hardly processed what was being thrown into our path, we just said yes!  We said yes because we felt God tugging at our hearts.  It was His plan, not ours and we trusted Him.  We were broken again and it felt so undeserved.  However immature or illegitimate these feelings were, they were our feelings.  We were hurt and so unsure how our joy would be restored.
In the spring of 2009, we were blind.  Our finite minds could not comprehend His infinite plan.  It took us a while to realize the amazing part that Julie had played in our journey.  She was the one who opened our hearts to adoption.  Until she came along, our idea of creating our family was so limited.  It had nothing to do with our faith, apart from the constant stream of prayers petitioning God to make us pregnant.  God used Julie in a big way.  She did break us...and through it created a new passion, a desire to love in a way we weren't planning.  All children are His children, and God's desire is for us to love them as our own, whether our blood flows through their veins or not.  And if He was ready to trust us with one of His children, we were ready.  It took our experience with Julie to realize this.  We had lost our baby and tried to have another for years with no explanation for our failure...never had adoption entered our minds.  Julie woke us up, and opened our eyes to a plan far greater than any plans we had made.  And for that, I am forever grateful to her.
You won't believe the series of events God lead us through the following summer...hang on to your hats;)
I am SO blessed to share our story~
Love,
Crazy Mama Crook