My kids? Oh...no no no...MY kids don't do that...

Oh my word...potty training...little boys...naked...nakedness...nakey.  My daughter was easy.  I was not prepared for boyness, and all that word entails when toilet training.  My three year old was trained last winter...a month before his third birthday and he really wasn't that hard.  We did the naked thing and it worked like a charm.  I was planning on a repeat with our two year old...I was going to start this winter and have him done by his third birthday in February.  However...he had other plans.  About two weeks ago, he just started using the potty.  Easy as that.  Taking off his diaper, opening the bathroom door and doing his business.  Skipped the baby potty, the naked training, the gummy rewards, the sticker chart, all of it.  It was sooooooo weird and I wasn't sure how to feel...I was part happy because it was so easy and part sad because this wasn't my plan and my "baby" wasn't a baby anymore.  Anyway...that "not sure how to feel" thing didn't last long because small frustrations began taking over my days.  Potty training yourself at 2 years is great and all but when your maturity doesn't match up with your potty abilities, things can get a little crazy.  For instance...the kid won't leave his pants on, his undies on, he likes to be all natural and he doesn't care who sees it.  Now for a normal child this would be an easy fix and mom would simply force him to put his pants on...however...my two year old is a manchild and I physically cannot make him put his pants on.  Ugh.  He still LOVES to play with toilet paper...whether that means unrolling the entire roll all over the bathroom or putting as much in the toilet as possible...he loves it.  He loves flushing the toilet over and over and over and sticking his head as far down into it as he can and yelling "Mommy wook a waterfaw!  Bye bye water!"  He likes to "wash" his hands forever and press his hand tightly against the faucet so water sprays the entire bathroom.  He's literally been peeing like 27 times a day and I can't turn my back for a second without a mess to clean up.  That being said, I made the executive decision to put a safety knob on the bathroom door.  It's an inconvenience for the older two but it's oh so much more convenient for this mama.  He has to tell me when he needs to go and then his potty party is 100% supervised:)
This evening I was working on dinner (daddy wasn't home) and my two year old unlocked the door and walked out into our fenced in yard.  I stopped what I was doing to follow him out and I found him right outside the door, pants down, peeing in the grass.  My energy was depleted for the day and I just stood behind him patiently waiting so I could take him back inside.  As I watched the steady stream spraying into the yard, I heard "Hey Sam!  How are you?"  And there she was...my sweet neighbor...standing at our 4 foot fence with her elderly parents.  I did the only thing I could do "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry, he just ran out here and started peeing, I am so sorry, how embarrassing."  She said there was no need to apologize and her mom tried to make me feel better by telling me that people let their dogs poop and pee everywhere without cleaning it up.  She gets an A for effort, but seriously.  After I pulled his pants up (yay me), I put him on my hip and walked over to conversate.  I was going to say whatever I could to let them know this is not normal and I am not a weirdo mom.  I explained that I had a safety knob on the bathroom door and he must have gotten frustrated and walked outside to go...and I told them about all of his new bathroom related "hobbies".  They were so sweet...told me not to apologize and then talked about how cute he is and how big he's gotten.  And then...just as the embarrassment was fading...my neighbor says "Hey! There's Bubby!"  And there he was...my three year old...in all his glory...pants down, peeing in the grass.  Mortified, I ran over and got my free loving boys inside as quickly as possible... yelling another apology out the door before I shut it behind the tinkle twins.  This is my life.  This is my real life.  Oh.  My.  Gosh.
~What?!
Crazy Mama Crook