Thankful through a hard day...

I've been spending alot of time reflecting on things I'm thankful for...so I wanted to write a list and share it.  It's not super deep, just a simple list of thankfuls.  Things I don't want to take for granted.  I'm going to thoroughly enjoy writing it out:)  I wrote this list a couple weeks ago and wanted to post today.  It's a hard day, but there is so much to be thankful for...

I'm thankful for an awesome God who is in complete control of this crazy life.
I'm thankful for a Jesus who has saved me and promised me the gift of heaven.
I'm thankful for a husband who is most definitely the only person in the world who could love me so completely, dream my dreams with me, and support every ounce of my craziness.
I'm thankful for 3 healthy children.
I'm thankful for a daughter with a huge heart.
I'm thankful for a son who has been a fighter since the day I met him and has overcome so much.
I'm thankful for our youngest son who although very much the "baby" in this family, has welcomed a new baby into our home without a single act of jealousy.  Almost every interaction he has with the baby involves a sweet voice and a kiss on the forehead. 
I'm thankful for friends like Jess and Tyler Michael who are always there.  When the birthmom of our son went into labor...when we got a call to rush down town at 11:00 pm to pick up our little nugget...and LOTS of times in between, they were here.  When I'm overwhelmed and looking for an extra set of hands...they have the hands I need.
I'm thankful for a family that accepts every bit of craziness I have to offer with open arms.
I'm thankful for our membership to the Childrens Museum.
I'm thankful for Cars 1 and 2, Toy Story 1,2, and 3, Super Why, and every episode of Elmo's World ever created.
I'm thankful for my baby bjourn, that without, I would surely not be around to write this blog.
I'm thankful for White River Christian Church, a family full of imperfect, Jesus lovin people just like me.
I'm thankful for long family walks to McAlisters.
I'm thankful for the massive amount of energy God saw fit to give me.
I'm thankful for a sweet houseguest who is teaching me how to be stretched again.
I'm thankful for a little boy named Cooper (aka my sweet one) that makes my life even more rich.
I'm thankful for friends who bless us BIG...unexpectedly and undeservingly.
I'm thankful for a cozy 3 bedroom home that has taught me "space" is overrated:)
I'm thankful for a college roommate who is still my best friend, and recently joined the journey of adoption in a beautiful, crazy, and perfect way.
I'm thankful for a sister that has been there for me through every trial, tear, and triumph...made the phonecalls when adoptions fell through and threw my baby shower when our Rowan arrived. She is my safe place. 
I'm thankful for frozen pizzas and chicken nuggets during track season.
I'm thankful for my triple stroller and the mini van I once said I'd never drive.
I'm thankful God chose us to love our little nugget...even if just for a month.  The gift of our time with him is priceless.
I'm thankful for the minstry of foster parenting and all who take it on...a love I'm convinced is the easiest, hardest love in the world.
I'm thankful for a tight budget that serves as a constant reminder of how blessed I am to stay home with my children.
I'm thankful that God spared us from the pain we would have endured if we had lost Jayde and Chandler.

I'm trying to focus on that today.  They were part of our family for 2 1/2 years before their adoptions were finalized.  I can't even begin to imagine our lives without them. 
My heart is aching...saying goodbye to this sweet baby is hard.  He fit right into our crazy crew and we all bonded so quickly.  I know it's not about us.  It's about providing a loving and safe home for the time we're givin.  I just hate thinking about what THEY go through...hurting babies...what is it like to bond with a family, trust them, know that your needs will be met, wake up every day to the same face greeting you with kisses and a smile...and then all of the sudden, this love you've known, is gone.  It's not helpful for me to think about this...but I can't help it.  In the past, I've been blessed with having relationships with birthmoms...but not this time.  And that's hard.  I think I need that.  Our little nugget is going to live with a relative, I'm taking him to meet her this evening.  I've written her a two page letter and began packing up his things.  I hope she hugs me back, I hope I get a good vibe, I hope I can drive away feeling like he'll be loved even better.  A friend reminded me that he is God's son and I need to entrust him to Him.  I find comfort knowing that His strength will get me through this day...not mine.  And that I will pray for this sweet angel every time I think about him.  His picture will join Elijah's on our wall and we'll never forget him, that's for sure. 

~A sad little Crazy Mama Crook~