On the first day of highschool, my freshman year 1996, I met a boy who bears almost no resemblance to the man I know today. On March 25th 2000, I went on a date with that boy and although he wasn't my type, I was interested. I mentioned in my last blog that he was working his magic on that date...a sweet talking gentleman who helped me gliterize my Dorothy shoes, and I liked it;) That spring, he spent quite a bit of time helping me memorize my lines...more points. Things started getting serious and after a few months, he was my boyfriend:) He came to church with me and my family every Sunday and he gave his life to Christ and was baptized that July. Now...all you know about James is what I've told you since I met him in high school. I'm not going to delve into his pre high school history, but know that our God can transform, renew, and make any story into His love story. And my husband's is one of my favorites;) So anyway...I went off to bible college that fall and it was hard for both of us. We had so much fun that summer and dreaded being a state away from each other. You know young love...it's soooo dramatic. I know he was worried I would find some young preacher boy and fall for him and I was worried about a girl in his study group at IUPUI;) That fall, he worked very hard at school, and he also worked nights at FedEx. He saved up his money to go on a mission trip to Haiti with me over Christmas break... I had already fallen for him, but this kinda sealed the deal;) I would go home as much as I could on the weekends and we spent ALOT of time on the phone and e-mailing each other. We dated for almost 3 years and we did have a few rough patches but that's to be expected...we were James and ChurchGirl after all;) We got married in 2003, we were still in school and he was still working nights at FedEx...that was SUPER fun. Actually it was...we didn't know any different and we were just happy to be hubs and wifey. We didn't have an elaborately planned storybook wedding, "real" jobs, or a starter home. We were just in love. The kind of love where you only have a 2 month engagement because you're too excited to wait. The kind that doesn't care where you buy your wedding dress, how you decorate the sanctuary, where you have the reception, or if you go on a honeymoon. The kind that lives in an apartment for years with no internet, no cable, and a kitten for entertainment. We were twenty and twenty-one and literally CrAzY in love. We used to eat a lot of spaghetti and frozen pizza. And those used to be the best meals ever. I loved telling people our story...I would get all JT's ID's out of his wallet. I would lay them out in order of the date they were taken. The 1st one was his college ID, he had angry eyes and a tough guy look on his face. And I would say "This is the old JT." The next one was his Sam's Club ID, he had a cute little smirky smile on his face and I would say "This is JT after he met Samantha." The next one was his driver's license where he was cheesin it up and his face spelled joy, and I would say "This is JT after he met Samantha and Jesus." I just loved doing that, people probably thought I was a weirdo...which wouldn't be entirely inaccurate;)
If you keep up with "Sam and JT Plus Three", then you know the rest of the story from here. It amazes me how God took two seemingly incompatible kids and created something beautiful. And where He took us from there is even more beautiful. Who would have ever thought the mean kid would grow up to be a teacher, mentor, coach and have a HUGE impact on his kids. Who would have thought he would grow up and instead of insisting on having his "own" kids (as people often put it), he would open his heart to adoption and let God define his family. No one was there to teach him how to be a father, but he is an AMAZING father to his children. And really...who would have thought he would grow up and marry that annoying "church girl" in french class?;) God thought it...He had it all planned out since day one. My pride in him is endless and although he's only 12 years old in Christ, he leads this family with incredible faith and love. We just celebrated our 9th wedding anniversary and given our ages on our wedding day, I'm thinking we can make it to 50;) So thankful.....
A more in love than ever,
Crazy Mama Crook
Here you will find the chronicles of the crazy crook crew...enjoy!
I want to live in each season fully, celebrate the chapters as they end, and anticipate the next with only joy! God gets all the glory for the story He's written for our family! A family designed and defined by Him through foster care and adoption. If you've got some time, stay a while...and grab a kleenex;) Each chapter is beautiful and heart wrenching and breathtaking and God is ALWAYS good!
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
James and ChurchGirl
It all started in my freshman year french class. Madame Rockabrand seated me right behind the mean kid. You know...the kid with a grumpy face who doesn't really talk to anyone. The kid that is too cool to pick a french name so when the teacher asks for his choice he says "I don't want a french name, my name's JT". She obliged and called him JT...in french;) I worked up the nerve to ask him what JT stood for and he was thereafter "James" in my book. He couldn't stand that I called him that and so he coined the name "Churchgirl" for me. My friend Sarah and I used to pass a notebook back and forth between classes. I wish I could get some excerpts for you but it's up in the attic...a place I don't venture. I know there was a lot of "James thinks he's so cool, but he's so not" in there. Anyway...freshman year came and went and that was basically it for my interaction with James. I take that back...I ran track my junior year, his senior year. And he used to yell "TRACK" at me. That's what the fast kids did when I was on the inside lane plotting along and they were coming up behind me (and any other fellow plotters). Essentially it means "move out of the inside lane, a real runner is coming through". I would move, he would fly by me, and that was the end of that.
These were the contacts I made with the "mean kid" in high school. He was prom king, Putnam county athlete of the year, a local track and basketball star...I believe he still holds the mile record at our high school. And he had an ego the size of Montana. Anyway, he graduated, I started my senior year and that was the end of that...of that chapter anyway.
The spring of my senior year, I was cheering at what would be the last basketball game of the season. I was bouncing around in my little uniform, flexing my spirit fingers...and what do you know...Mr James Crook was sitting a few rows up directly in front of me. Our eyes locked during "Are-You-Proud-To Be A Cougar Fan..." and because I have good manners, I smiled. He smiled. And I didn't think much about it. But Ashley (the girl who dated (and married) his best friend) came up to me during lunch the next week and asked me for my phone number. She told me who wanted it and reluctantly, I gave it to her. Little did I know what that choice would bring;) LOTS of phone calls. There was always a reason I couldn't come to the phone and I was able to avoid him until...the day I answered. Caller ID wasn't so much a thing back then:) He told me I was a hard girl to get a hold of and the whole conversation was just awkward. Here we were...James and Churchgirl, casually chatting like it was normal...it was weird. And then I started to feel horrible about dodging his calls, he was a lot nicer than I remembered. He asked me out on a date and my mom said yes to a double. It was much more fun than I expected. And so there was a 2nd date...a single...we ate at Joe's Crab Shack, went to Target and got me some patent leather shoes, and then went back to my house and gliterized them in the garage (I was totally Dorothy in our high school musical:). That was a pivotal date. I remember catching myself dancing to the music at Joe's and when I stopped and asked if I was embarrassing him, he replied with "Don't worry about it...I could sit and watch you all day." Um...hello. He got this 17 year old girl's attention with that one. He was a smooth talker for sure. This is getting long...I'll write more later. I know you're dying to see how the story ends:)
Today is our 9th anniversary and I still can't believe I married the mean kid sometimes;) I'll tell you what though...God can take any "mean kid" and create a man after His own heart. James is living proof:) We just might have been the last couple in our home town that anyone would have imagined together. And here we are...livin the dream with a purpose. God. Is. Good.
Going on a hot, kidless date tonight,
Crazy Mama Crook
These were the contacts I made with the "mean kid" in high school. He was prom king, Putnam county athlete of the year, a local track and basketball star...I believe he still holds the mile record at our high school. And he had an ego the size of Montana. Anyway, he graduated, I started my senior year and that was the end of that...of that chapter anyway.
The spring of my senior year, I was cheering at what would be the last basketball game of the season. I was bouncing around in my little uniform, flexing my spirit fingers...and what do you know...Mr James Crook was sitting a few rows up directly in front of me. Our eyes locked during "Are-You-Proud-To Be A Cougar Fan..." and because I have good manners, I smiled. He smiled. And I didn't think much about it. But Ashley (the girl who dated (and married) his best friend) came up to me during lunch the next week and asked me for my phone number. She told me who wanted it and reluctantly, I gave it to her. Little did I know what that choice would bring;) LOTS of phone calls. There was always a reason I couldn't come to the phone and I was able to avoid him until...the day I answered. Caller ID wasn't so much a thing back then:) He told me I was a hard girl to get a hold of and the whole conversation was just awkward. Here we were...James and Churchgirl, casually chatting like it was normal...it was weird. And then I started to feel horrible about dodging his calls, he was a lot nicer than I remembered. He asked me out on a date and my mom said yes to a double. It was much more fun than I expected. And so there was a 2nd date...a single...we ate at Joe's Crab Shack, went to Target and got me some patent leather shoes, and then went back to my house and gliterized them in the garage (I was totally Dorothy in our high school musical:). That was a pivotal date. I remember catching myself dancing to the music at Joe's and when I stopped and asked if I was embarrassing him, he replied with "Don't worry about it...I could sit and watch you all day." Um...hello. He got this 17 year old girl's attention with that one. He was a smooth talker for sure. This is getting long...I'll write more later. I know you're dying to see how the story ends:)
Today is our 9th anniversary and I still can't believe I married the mean kid sometimes;) I'll tell you what though...God can take any "mean kid" and create a man after His own heart. James is living proof:) We just might have been the last couple in our home town that anyone would have imagined together. And here we are...livin the dream with a purpose. God. Is. Good.
Going on a hot, kidless date tonight,
Crazy Mama Crook
Sunday, January 8, 2012
The Whispers...
If you read this blog (or know me at all;), then you know our story. You know about the mountains and valleys and the long road we traveled to get to "Sam and JT Plus Three". I'm still on a high...I haven't come down from the amazing mountain God placed me upon on December 14th, 2011. I have however, had some time to reflect and see God's hands on every bit of our journey. There were many times I couldn't see His hands or His purpose...but He was there. He heard our cries and restored our joy. He healed all of our pain in His own way.
Although I rarely think about it anymore, I remember October 16th 2006 vividly. I remember walking into my Dr's appointment excited, innocent, and oblivious. I remember the Dr. struggling to find a heartbeat, and after evaluating the size of our baby, telling us we miscarried. It took a week for my body to react to the loss of our baby and I spent that week praying harder than I'd ever prayed for anything in my life. My God can heal our baby...the Dr. could be wrong. My prayers didn't matter, nature played it's course. At least it seemed my prayers didn't matter. But while I was grieving and questioning God, there was another baby being knit in the womb of another woman. This baby girl would be born in 2007, the same year our baby would have been born (I "know" our baby was a girl too). This baby girl would come into the world and travel a hard road on her way to us...she would wait for us and we would wait for her. It was July 22nd 2009, the 1st morning Jayde woke up in our home, she woke up with a smile and called me "mama" with a question in her voice. I was too weak to correct her...I answered with "yes" and mama it was. I believe that was a whisper. My God was letting me know that she was mine.
The spring of 2009, we met Julie. She is the one who 1st opened our hearts to adoption...she devastated us in the process. She gave us a baby and took him away just as fast. Her baby boy was born that spring...so was Chandler. He too, would travel a rough road on his way to us. And God was preparing us to love a beautiful broken baby who would require more than we had ever imagined we could give.
On February 6th 2009, we met a Elijah. He was our 1st houseguest and he owned my heart for the months God gave me with him. He is a handsome biracial boy with a personality that would have any mama at hello:) It just so happens that on February 6th 2010, exactly one year later, our beautiful biracial baby Rowan came into this world...the 1st addition to the crazy "Crook" crew. I don't think the exact date is a coincidence. I believe it was a whisper. Exactly one year after I met Elijah, the 1st child God entrusted to me... God gave us our 1st forever child, a baby boy that looks so much like him. I can only hope Rowan will grow up to be as sweet:)
All throughout our journey, I can now see God's hand, His whispers, His reasons, His plan. He was designing and defining our family in His perfect way. For each baby we lost, God was preparing us for babies He found and wanted us to love. We had children all along...just not the ones we thought were ours. When I think about all this I get those warm and fuzzy goosebumps. I love my God and I'm SO glad He loves me the way He does. He knows what's best for His children...this I know for sure!
Love,
Crazy Mama Crook
Although I rarely think about it anymore, I remember October 16th 2006 vividly. I remember walking into my Dr's appointment excited, innocent, and oblivious. I remember the Dr. struggling to find a heartbeat, and after evaluating the size of our baby, telling us we miscarried. It took a week for my body to react to the loss of our baby and I spent that week praying harder than I'd ever prayed for anything in my life. My God can heal our baby...the Dr. could be wrong. My prayers didn't matter, nature played it's course. At least it seemed my prayers didn't matter. But while I was grieving and questioning God, there was another baby being knit in the womb of another woman. This baby girl would be born in 2007, the same year our baby would have been born (I "know" our baby was a girl too). This baby girl would come into the world and travel a hard road on her way to us...she would wait for us and we would wait for her. It was July 22nd 2009, the 1st morning Jayde woke up in our home, she woke up with a smile and called me "mama" with a question in her voice. I was too weak to correct her...I answered with "yes" and mama it was. I believe that was a whisper. My God was letting me know that she was mine.
The spring of 2009, we met Julie. She is the one who 1st opened our hearts to adoption...she devastated us in the process. She gave us a baby and took him away just as fast. Her baby boy was born that spring...so was Chandler. He too, would travel a rough road on his way to us. And God was preparing us to love a beautiful broken baby who would require more than we had ever imagined we could give.
On February 6th 2009, we met a Elijah. He was our 1st houseguest and he owned my heart for the months God gave me with him. He is a handsome biracial boy with a personality that would have any mama at hello:) It just so happens that on February 6th 2010, exactly one year later, our beautiful biracial baby Rowan came into this world...the 1st addition to the crazy "Crook" crew. I don't think the exact date is a coincidence. I believe it was a whisper. Exactly one year after I met Elijah, the 1st child God entrusted to me... God gave us our 1st forever child, a baby boy that looks so much like him. I can only hope Rowan will grow up to be as sweet:)
All throughout our journey, I can now see God's hand, His whispers, His reasons, His plan. He was designing and defining our family in His perfect way. For each baby we lost, God was preparing us for babies He found and wanted us to love. We had children all along...just not the ones we thought were ours. When I think about all this I get those warm and fuzzy goosebumps. I love my God and I'm SO glad He loves me the way He does. He knows what's best for His children...this I know for sure!
Love,
Crazy Mama Crook
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Forever Family!
I'm writing this on the day after our adoption hearing. I'm writing this as the forever mother of 3 beautiful children. I'm writing this as quite possibly the happiest mama on earth. It took us 2 1/2 years to get here...2 1/2 years full of uncertainty, fear, heartache, and complete and utter joy. 2 years ago, we were getting ready to celebrate our 1st and what we thought would be our only Christmas with Jayde and Chandler. Our adoption had just fallen through and we had two beautiful children in our home to pick up the pieces of our broken hearts. We were in love with them but trying (and failing) not to give our hearts completely as we "knew" they would soon be leaving. My sovereign God knew they would never leave and He knew our precious Rowan was on the way. And we just knew He was holding us tight through every bit of our journey. We didn't know the ending...just knew we'd be okay because He wrote it. Well...as it turns out, we'll NEVER miss another Christmas, birthday, or milestone in their lives. God chose us to be theirs. And we are honored and amazed at His choice. I've been reading the cards we received over and over and just trying to process our reality. We knew our day was coming...but the gravity of it all is fabulously overwhelming. I thought about reading through the last few years of my prayer journal, but I fear the tears might just flood my house:)
The hearing went smoothly, all 3 kids behaved perfectly, I was able to keep my emotions in check...well until I saw another adoptive family exiting the court room we were about to enter. Our attorney told us they had just adopted their 5th and 6th child and I just looked at their beautiful family and the tears came rolling. This was before our hearing even started so I was a bit nervous I was now out of control. But I recovered and even made it through our attorney's questions with very happy dry eyes:) Our friends and family were there with us and we had a party in the evening to celebrate... the whole day was just plain perfect. I feel so complete, so in love, SO blessed. The wait is over. We have 3 children with our last name and there are no words that could justly describe how I feel. I'm on a high and I never want to come down:) When we began our journey as foster parents, I never would have dared to dream this big. Saying goodbye was a job requirement...and now we'll never have to say goodbye...not like that. We're forever family and every chapter of our story now seems more beautiful than ever!
Love,
Crazy Mama Crook
The hearing went smoothly, all 3 kids behaved perfectly, I was able to keep my emotions in check...well until I saw another adoptive family exiting the court room we were about to enter. Our attorney told us they had just adopted their 5th and 6th child and I just looked at their beautiful family and the tears came rolling. This was before our hearing even started so I was a bit nervous I was now out of control. But I recovered and even made it through our attorney's questions with very happy dry eyes:) Our friends and family were there with us and we had a party in the evening to celebrate... the whole day was just plain perfect. I feel so complete, so in love, SO blessed. The wait is over. We have 3 children with our last name and there are no words that could justly describe how I feel. I'm on a high and I never want to come down:) When we began our journey as foster parents, I never would have dared to dream this big. Saying goodbye was a job requirement...and now we'll never have to say goodbye...not like that. We're forever family and every chapter of our story now seems more beautiful than ever!
Love,
Crazy Mama Crook
Monday, November 7, 2011
December 14th!!!
After 21 months of living and loving life with Sissy and Bubby, termination was granted in April 2011. We were on cloud nine, on the path to adoption, and in a little disbelief that this was real life. Just 2 years earlier, our hearts were broken when our first adoption fell through, 2 1/2 years before that, our hearts were broken when we lost our pregnancy...and now we were on our way to becoming the forever mom and dad of three beautiful babies...THREE! God is so, so good. We had an amazing spring and summer and life felt close to perfect. There was lots of paperwork...court, DCS, attorney stuff, and lots of waiting. We were filled with hope and peace while we waited so we were in a good place. By July, it had been two full years since the bigs walked into our lives, a crazy two years, two years of crazy growth. There was a baby dedication Sunday at our church that summer. I was a little sad we weren't up there, but I was sure we'd be up there by the next one coming up in the fall. We had another in September and again we sat and watched, this time I was alot sad. I still had hope and peace and I knew they were already ours, but I was growing frustrated, starting to feel like we were sitting in a pile of paperwork on a desk somewhere. We realize that things can move slowly when dealing with DCS, but it had been 5 months since termination. So we waited. We had new family pictures taken...and we waited. I took a sick little Bubby to the Dr, where I spelled his biological last name wrong...and we waited. Before you judge me, know that we'd been calling them by their adopted names since April AND his bio last name is spelled weird:) Ugh...that was so embarrassing. I began homeschooling the first of many consecutive years of preschool...and we waited. I communicated more than regularly with our family case manager and adoption attorney...and we waited. And then it happened...I got a phonecall from our attorney just last week. She asked me if I had plans on December 14th and I said "I'll be doing whatever you have planned for me". And there you have it! We have a date, a court date to finalize our adoptions! There is a catch... DCS still doesn't have all of their paperwork figured out, but our attorney seems to think that if we have a court date, that will give them a deadline, and someone somewhere will be motivated to do their job (my words, not hers:). So we're very excited, but we also know there's a chance it could get pushed back. We're praying hard that December 14, 2011 is the date God has given us. How wonderful to get two little Crooks for Christmas! They've been ours for quite a while, but having 3 children with the same last name is a gift we will treasure for sure:)
Thanks for taking this journey through our history book! We're all caught up but I'm sure there's much more to come:) I'll continue to blog although I'm not sure I'll be posting every Monday. I'll do my best;) We're constantly learning, growing, facing new challenges, and laughing until we cry. Raising children is a huge challenge in itself, raising adopted children, with diverse stories, backgrounds, and skin color has been and will continue to be a challenge full of fears, tears, and triumphs. It's still hard to believe God would trust us this much...but He does, and He's designed and defined our family in His perfect way. I'm sure I'll continue to have plenty to write about...there isn't a dull moment around here December 14, December 14, December 14.....
Love,
Crazy Mama Crook
Thanks for taking this journey through our history book! We're all caught up but I'm sure there's much more to come:) I'll continue to blog although I'm not sure I'll be posting every Monday. I'll do my best;) We're constantly learning, growing, facing new challenges, and laughing until we cry. Raising children is a huge challenge in itself, raising adopted children, with diverse stories, backgrounds, and skin color has been and will continue to be a challenge full of fears, tears, and triumphs. It's still hard to believe God would trust us this much...but He does, and He's designed and defined our family in His perfect way. I'm sure I'll continue to have plenty to write about...there isn't a dull moment around here December 14, December 14, December 14.....
Love,
Crazy Mama Crook
Monday, October 31, 2011
God's got this:)
It's April 2011...Sissy is three, Bubby just turned two, and Rowan is one. They're no longer my 3 under 3 and it hurts my heart a little, but I will say my days are ALOT easier. There are no more bottles, no more burpies, I only have two in diapers, and I'm no longer changing spit-up saturated clothes multiple times a day. It's still constant chaos at the Crook house, it just looked a little different. Biting replaced the bottles, and I had three wild walking, talking children. Life was good and we had a hearing that month that made life great. It was a pretrial for another termination hearing coming up...this was our 2nd time around. Both 'L' and one of the birth fathers ('M') had given our family case manager a verbal indication that they were going to voluntarily terminate their rights and sign consents for our adoptions. We were hopeful that this would be the case, but also guarded as we had a crazy emotional winter with all the termination talk. We were coming up on two years since the babies were removed, zero progress had been made toward reunification, and I had poured my heart out to both 'L' and 'M' in conversations that I felt were a bit counterproductive. We prayed and prayed and prayed that it would be God's will for our babies to become forever ours, and this hearing could be the 1st step to getting us "legally" there. The morning of the hearing I checked my facebook and a sweet friend had written the words, "God's got this". Oh how I wanted to feel that confidence...I treasured those words and it was off to the hearing.
When we got there, it was just like every other time...there were plenty of hugs, stories, and pictures shared. It was a blessing and relief to me that everything could feel so normal between all of us. The consents for us to adopt were signed before the hearing even started, the day from beginning to end was better than I could have ever imagined. That evening I sent an e-mail to our prayer warriors, I also posted it to facebook so many of you may have already read it. But it tells the story so much better than I could tell it today...it's authentic and in the moment. So here it is...I'm taking you back to April 20, 2011, a HUGE day in the life of the Crazy Crook Crew.
Wow.
I really have no words to describe how we're feeling. I know that God's hands were all over this day. He already knew this was our forever family, and He might have been gitty in heaven just waiting for us to know that too. Consents were signed before the hearing even started (although we had no idea). The hearing itself was smooth, L and M handled every bit of it with grace and composure. V didn't show up as usual and the judge just decided to terminate his rights there on the spot!!! Um...Yay God! Once DCS files their petition to terminate with the court, V will have 30 days to file an appeal. I don't know if he will or not but we have absolute peace either way. By moving to terminate his rights on the spot without him being present, the judge basically skipped months of annoying and tedious court hearings thus expediting the process of finalizing our adoptions! My mind has been spinning all day...replaying July 22nd 2009, the day the DCS investigator brought Sissy to our (HER) home, July 23rd, the day we picked up a teeny broken Bubby from the hospital. We had NO idea what God had in store for us, that these precious children He was entrusting to us weren't just temporary gifts...SO thankful. Amazed really. Amazed at the journey, since and prior to their arrival. God is SO good! We are thrilled for us, for them, and for Rowan! Our hearts would break a little every time we dwelled on the idea that he could lose his big brother and sister, whom he LOVES and adores. They were here when we brought him home from the hospital, and they are his favorite thing for sure:) Blessed, blessed, blessed.
The kids had a visit with M and L after the hearing, I brought a comb, squirt bottle, and hair scissors and asked L if she would give Sissy her 1st hair cut (she went to beauty school). Her reaction was SUCH a blessing to me. I could tell it meant alot to her and she was SO glad to do it. The visit ended with lots of hugs, promises of phone calls and visits which will no longer be regulated and supervised through DCS...YAY!!! We can call L and M friends and I am so grateful for that gift. My heart is so full right now...to God be the Glory! I praise Him for His favor, for His plan revealed, for these amazing, beautiful, resilient children, for His calling to be foster parents, for the crazy show the Price is Right, for filling our home, hearts, and hands with 3 babies in a 6 month time span, for the endless amount of energy He's blessed JT and I with, for family, friends, prayers on our behalf...If I keep going this e-mail will go on FOREVER!
Please continue to pray for M and L, for peace and healing. The choice they both made today was out of love for their children, their decision was beautiful, nothing less. Don't get me wrong, they've made (and continue to make) quite a few bad decisions in their lives. But they didn't have to sign papers today consenting to our adoptions, giving up every right they have as parents. They could have faught until the bitter end and they didn't...out of love.
The Laura Story song 'Blessings in Disguise' keeps playing in my forever spinning mind. The words speak so true to our story. I think all of you know about the babies lost, through pregnancy, and fall through adoptions...the years we spent wanting so badly to love a baby we would never have to "give back". Ancient history, I tell ya:) But it's so clear now, the purpose, the blessings waiting, the family God was carefully and beautifully designing for us. I'm thankful for the trials, the heartbreak, and the renewed joy every day...it all lead us here. And here...at this moment, tastes a little bit like heaven I think:) Thank you all so much for your prayers throughout the past 2 years...it's been a wild ride, that's for sure!
In His Amazing Love,
Crazy Mama Crook
When we got there, it was just like every other time...there were plenty of hugs, stories, and pictures shared. It was a blessing and relief to me that everything could feel so normal between all of us. The consents for us to adopt were signed before the hearing even started, the day from beginning to end was better than I could have ever imagined. That evening I sent an e-mail to our prayer warriors, I also posted it to facebook so many of you may have already read it. But it tells the story so much better than I could tell it today...it's authentic and in the moment. So here it is...I'm taking you back to April 20, 2011, a HUGE day in the life of the Crazy Crook Crew.
Wow.
I really have no words to describe how we're feeling. I know that God's hands were all over this day. He already knew this was our forever family, and He might have been gitty in heaven just waiting for us to know that too. Consents were signed before the hearing even started (although we had no idea). The hearing itself was smooth, L and M handled every bit of it with grace and composure. V didn't show up as usual and the judge just decided to terminate his rights there on the spot!!! Um...Yay God! Once DCS files their petition to terminate with the court, V will have 30 days to file an appeal. I don't know if he will or not but we have absolute peace either way. By moving to terminate his rights on the spot without him being present, the judge basically skipped months of annoying and tedious court hearings thus expediting the process of finalizing our adoptions! My mind has been spinning all day...replaying July 22nd 2009, the day the DCS investigator brought Sissy to our (HER) home, July 23rd, the day we picked up a teeny broken Bubby from the hospital. We had NO idea what God had in store for us, that these precious children He was entrusting to us weren't just temporary gifts...SO thankful. Amazed really. Amazed at the journey, since and prior to their arrival. God is SO good! We are thrilled for us, for them, and for Rowan! Our hearts would break a little every time we dwelled on the idea that he could lose his big brother and sister, whom he LOVES and adores. They were here when we brought him home from the hospital, and they are his favorite thing for sure:) Blessed, blessed, blessed.
The kids had a visit with M and L after the hearing, I brought a comb, squirt bottle, and hair scissors and asked L if she would give Sissy her 1st hair cut (she went to beauty school). Her reaction was SUCH a blessing to me. I could tell it meant alot to her and she was SO glad to do it. The visit ended with lots of hugs, promises of phone calls and visits which will no longer be regulated and supervised through DCS...YAY!!! We can call L and M friends and I am so grateful for that gift. My heart is so full right now...to God be the Glory! I praise Him for His favor, for His plan revealed, for these amazing, beautiful, resilient children, for His calling to be foster parents, for the crazy show the Price is Right, for filling our home, hearts, and hands with 3 babies in a 6 month time span, for the endless amount of energy He's blessed JT and I with, for family, friends, prayers on our behalf...If I keep going this e-mail will go on FOREVER!
Please continue to pray for M and L, for peace and healing. The choice they both made today was out of love for their children, their decision was beautiful, nothing less. Don't get me wrong, they've made (and continue to make) quite a few bad decisions in their lives. But they didn't have to sign papers today consenting to our adoptions, giving up every right they have as parents. They could have faught until the bitter end and they didn't...out of love.
The Laura Story song 'Blessings in Disguise' keeps playing in my forever spinning mind. The words speak so true to our story. I think all of you know about the babies lost, through pregnancy, and fall through adoptions...the years we spent wanting so badly to love a baby we would never have to "give back". Ancient history, I tell ya:) But it's so clear now, the purpose, the blessings waiting, the family God was carefully and beautifully designing for us. I'm thankful for the trials, the heartbreak, and the renewed joy every day...it all lead us here. And here...at this moment, tastes a little bit like heaven I think:) Thank you all so much for your prayers throughout the past 2 years...it's been a wild ride, that's for sure!
In His Amazing Love,
Crazy Mama Crook
Monday, October 17, 2011
Stressed, blessed, and a bit of a mess:)
It's July 2010...Sissy and Bubby have been with us for a year and DCS has filed for termination of the birth parents rights. We would have court hearings in August, October, and December. The birth parents were given public defenders, JT and I were served subpeonas, and in the end we would accomplish nothing. By January, termination was canceled and the bp's (birth parents) were given opportunities to "complete services" (required for reunification) by local agencies. There was actually talk of moving the children to a northern Indiana foster home where it would be easier for the bp's to have visitation with them. Their bond with the children had essentially dissolved due to the lack of time spent together. Since 'L' had moved out of state, she and one of the birth fathers had only seen them 5 or 6 times. The other birth father was a no show to every court hearing, and had made one visit to Indiana where it was very obvious the children didn't know who he was.
Anyway, those months were a constant rollercoaster...we didn't feel like we knew what was going on, one moment termination, adoption, the next moment moving the kids to a new foster home closer to the bp's so they could work toward reunification. It was just a mess and nothing made sense to us. As you can imagine, after nearly 18 months of life with them combined with the anticipation of adoption, we were mortified each time we felt we were taking a step backward.
One evening in January 2011, I was feeling particularly fearful. The reality of losing our children, of Rowan losing the siblings he's had his entire first year of life, was weighing heavy on my heart. Nothing was certain, but the idea that it was even an option at this point created a desperation within me that I can't describe. I talked it over with my husband and then I made the phone call. Until this point, I hadn't been completely real with 'L'. DCS filing for termination obviously had nothing to do with us, and as far as she knew we were still supportive of reunification. I hadn't really told her otherwise. During our conversation I poured my heart out. I told her what we felt was best for the children, that it had just been too long and to them, we were mom and dad. They were too young, unable to comprehend what was going on. They were so happy, healthy, bonded to us and our family, and they had no voice in all this. They had already been through so much, and the thought of them losing everything they had and starting over with a new life that has zero resemblance to the one they're living now seemed so wrong. I explained the very real possibility that she may not get custody at all and the children could end up with their birth fathers and separated from eachother. The two of them together was their only constant. Since Bubby's birth, they had never been separated. If anything I said to her that night hit a nerve...that was it. I told her that it wasn't her fault, but that it wasn't their fault either, and we just needed to take ourselves out of the equation and do what is best for them. I made sure she knew that she would always be a part of their lives if they became ours, and that she would become a part of our family as well. She cried, I cried, we were friends and this was the hardest conversation I have ever had with a friend in my life. We hung up with no conclusions made, but a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. I held nothing back, I said everything I felt, and I did it with love. We had a hearing coming up in February and I knew seeing her would feel so different but I was prepared. We were still friends, but now she knew where I stood. I was no longer "Sammysaveherlife", I was advocating for her children, our children, and I had nothing to be ashamed of.
How on earth did we get here? We weren't planning to adopt through foster care, we weren't planning to ever feel like this. And once again, God shows me how overrated my plans are. The position we found ourselves in was a blessing for sure...but it was easy to neglect that fact and just be frustrated about the process. 18 months earlier, we were wondering if we would have the children for a month, and now we had spent 2 Christmases with them! There was a good chance they would become forever ours...a chance that didn't even exist for the first year. We had come so far and although fear played a very real part in our lives, we had a lot to be grateful for.
The following is an e-mail I sent on January 14th, 2011. It was sent to our prayer warriors during this particular phase of our journey. It was a hard day, an emotional day, so I asked for prayer while also self medicating myself through writing:) It's the perfect picture of how I felt... and I'm SO thankful I don't feel like this anymore!
Please pray for me ...the constant uncertainty of the existence of my family is really wearing on my heart today. Most days I'm a positive patty and I can easily snap myself out of it by focusing on God's plan... I don't know the ending but I know I'll be okay because He wrote it. But today, in this moment, that feeling is drowned out by fear. And I don't spend too much time worrying about my ending, but I'm scared to death for theirs. At this point, if they leave, it will feel like they are being taken away from their parents, not going back to them. What on earth will they go through? They have no idea what is going on in all this. They just know they have two parents that love them more than life itself, and we get that love right back from them. The thought of them losing everything they have, including eachother, brings me to my knees... as it should. I do know that you all pray for us... and I thank you. Please be a prayer warrior on our behalf. Sometimes I don't even feel like I can ask God to make them forever ours. I know His plan will prevail...and what if ours doesn't align with His? But I know the truth...I need to pray with faith, believing, that God can give us the desire of our hearts. He knows what is best for His children, it's in His hands, it always has been. These children make our lives full of purpose, there is a reason for their presence in all of our lives. And I am so glad God chose us. Even just writing all of this out is calming my spirit right now. I bet this letter is all over the place, sorry. My prayer for all 3 of our children is that they grow to know God and fall in love with Him and that His arms of protection will always be wrapped around them. I think once you fall in love with our Savior, everything else falls into place. For the 1st year of life with them, my purpose was to love them, and love their parents even stronger....to minister to and be a resource for them, and help their parents to get better whatever their struggle. Well, the compassion has faded, and I struggle with that too. I am done being a resource and encourager for them. My #1 priorty has become their children and what is best for them. And after 18 months in our home, I'm as positive as I can be of what "best" is. Okay... I'm rambling... but I'm not crying anymore :) Thank you and I love you!
Until next Monday....
Love,
Crazy Mama Crook
Anyway, those months were a constant rollercoaster...we didn't feel like we knew what was going on, one moment termination, adoption, the next moment moving the kids to a new foster home closer to the bp's so they could work toward reunification. It was just a mess and nothing made sense to us. As you can imagine, after nearly 18 months of life with them combined with the anticipation of adoption, we were mortified each time we felt we were taking a step backward.
One evening in January 2011, I was feeling particularly fearful. The reality of losing our children, of Rowan losing the siblings he's had his entire first year of life, was weighing heavy on my heart. Nothing was certain, but the idea that it was even an option at this point created a desperation within me that I can't describe. I talked it over with my husband and then I made the phone call. Until this point, I hadn't been completely real with 'L'. DCS filing for termination obviously had nothing to do with us, and as far as she knew we were still supportive of reunification. I hadn't really told her otherwise. During our conversation I poured my heart out. I told her what we felt was best for the children, that it had just been too long and to them, we were mom and dad. They were too young, unable to comprehend what was going on. They were so happy, healthy, bonded to us and our family, and they had no voice in all this. They had already been through so much, and the thought of them losing everything they had and starting over with a new life that has zero resemblance to the one they're living now seemed so wrong. I explained the very real possibility that she may not get custody at all and the children could end up with their birth fathers and separated from eachother. The two of them together was their only constant. Since Bubby's birth, they had never been separated. If anything I said to her that night hit a nerve...that was it. I told her that it wasn't her fault, but that it wasn't their fault either, and we just needed to take ourselves out of the equation and do what is best for them. I made sure she knew that she would always be a part of their lives if they became ours, and that she would become a part of our family as well. She cried, I cried, we were friends and this was the hardest conversation I have ever had with a friend in my life. We hung up with no conclusions made, but a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. I held nothing back, I said everything I felt, and I did it with love. We had a hearing coming up in February and I knew seeing her would feel so different but I was prepared. We were still friends, but now she knew where I stood. I was no longer "Sammysaveherlife", I was advocating for her children, our children, and I had nothing to be ashamed of.
How on earth did we get here? We weren't planning to adopt through foster care, we weren't planning to ever feel like this. And once again, God shows me how overrated my plans are. The position we found ourselves in was a blessing for sure...but it was easy to neglect that fact and just be frustrated about the process. 18 months earlier, we were wondering if we would have the children for a month, and now we had spent 2 Christmases with them! There was a good chance they would become forever ours...a chance that didn't even exist for the first year. We had come so far and although fear played a very real part in our lives, we had a lot to be grateful for.
The following is an e-mail I sent on January 14th, 2011. It was sent to our prayer warriors during this particular phase of our journey. It was a hard day, an emotional day, so I asked for prayer while also self medicating myself through writing:) It's the perfect picture of how I felt... and I'm SO thankful I don't feel like this anymore!
Please pray for me ...the constant uncertainty of the existence of my family is really wearing on my heart today. Most days I'm a positive patty and I can easily snap myself out of it by focusing on God's plan... I don't know the ending but I know I'll be okay because He wrote it. But today, in this moment, that feeling is drowned out by fear. And I don't spend too much time worrying about my ending, but I'm scared to death for theirs. At this point, if they leave, it will feel like they are being taken away from their parents, not going back to them. What on earth will they go through? They have no idea what is going on in all this. They just know they have two parents that love them more than life itself, and we get that love right back from them. The thought of them losing everything they have, including eachother, brings me to my knees... as it should. I do know that you all pray for us... and I thank you. Please be a prayer warrior on our behalf. Sometimes I don't even feel like I can ask God to make them forever ours. I know His plan will prevail...and what if ours doesn't align with His? But I know the truth...I need to pray with faith, believing, that God can give us the desire of our hearts. He knows what is best for His children, it's in His hands, it always has been. These children make our lives full of purpose, there is a reason for their presence in all of our lives. And I am so glad God chose us. Even just writing all of this out is calming my spirit right now. I bet this letter is all over the place, sorry. My prayer for all 3 of our children is that they grow to know God and fall in love with Him and that His arms of protection will always be wrapped around them. I think once you fall in love with our Savior, everything else falls into place. For the 1st year of life with them, my purpose was to love them, and love their parents even stronger....to minister to and be a resource for them, and help their parents to get better whatever their struggle. Well, the compassion has faded, and I struggle with that too. I am done being a resource and encourager for them. My #1 priorty has become their children and what is best for them. And after 18 months in our home, I'm as positive as I can be of what "best" is. Okay... I'm rambling... but I'm not crying anymore :) Thank you and I love you!
Until next Monday....
Love,
Crazy Mama Crook
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