The REAL Deal

The REAL Deal
Here you will find the chronicals of the Crazy Crook Crew...enjoy:)

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

She loved it! I survived:)

I am an emotionally inspired blogger...so today...I blog:)


We made it!  Jayde had a fabulous first day of kindergarten and my tear ducts are still in tact!  I am sooooo proud of her:)  She was made to be a student...I realized this when she was reading sight words at 19 months.  She's been showing off since she rocked our world and I adore her for it:)  Today wasn't as "natural" for me...but I got through it.

The days leading up to this one were way worse.  I was too busy this morning to turn into mommy mush.  But I know my anxiety is still there by the way I take deep, uncontrolled, random breaths every couple minutes.  And my chest feels weird.  This used to happen every time we would have a court hearing for the kids.  I know the feeling well.  I don't think I'm "sad" that my daughter is in kindergarten...I'm struggling because I feel like a chapter in my life is closing.  And it was my favorite chapter.  I've been at home with my little loves for 4 years...almost exactly...and loved every stage and season.   It was a distant dream once upon a time...and I got to live it.  It was amazing.  Wait...it still is...I still get to be home with my boys:)  Although Chandler will soon be starting preK two days a week and I'll be doing preschool at home with Rowan.  It seems like yesterday I was doing preschool at home with Jayde...

Why does time have to go SO fast?  It went so much slower during our pre kid era.  I was warned this would happen.

Other than the beginning of a life altering new phase...today couldn't have gone better.  Well...there was this one thing...I must have misunderstood snack time.  Jayde and I had fun creating a "snack chart" and shopping for the different items she would bring each day.  Today she had carrots and dip, yummy gummies, and a super special surprise love note from me in her lunch bag.  Then the entire class had goldfish...provided by...I'm not sure who.  She didn't even get to unzip her bag.  This made me sad...but I'll be okay.  Jayde loved every detail about her day...including a "Mrs. Wiggins".  I asked her who that was and she said "no one...I just really like that name.  I wish someone at school had it."  This reassured me that she is still just five...not actually heading to college:)
My boys...they have this weird ability to become playmate perfection when it's just the two of them.  I do not complain.  I caught Chandler being big and helpful...which was lovely.  At one point in the morning, Rowan was crying about something and Chandler was singing to him "I like you, I like you, I like you, Just the way you are".  Those of you who tune into 'Daniel Tiger' on a regular basis know this song I speak of:)  After his serenade he said "You like that song Rowan?  Does it make you happy?" Melt my stinkin heart.  My blonde had all the right words to get me through this day...1/2 day that is:) And can I just take a moment to say...Praise the Lord for 1/2 day kindergarten!  I'll tell you what...those programs are few and far between and I'm not taking the blessing for granted!  We may have to revisit the topic at the end of this semester though...there's a chance my 'too smart for school 5 year old' resents me for choosing the 1/2 day option. Time will tell.
I know this post just needs a violin in the background...I'm a sap and I don't care.  But the truth is I have so much to be thankful for...there are so many blessings...details that have fallen exactly into place. From a perfectly timed home sale, to low mortgage interest rates, to a beautiful new neighborhood, to fast forming friendships, to a school we fell in love with the moment we first took a tour, to a grant that allowed us to send our daughter there, to a curriculum that includes our Creator and His perfect text book.  I am trying to meditate on all these things...these dreams...prayers that God said "yes" to and timed so precisely.  And with His help, I'll kick this anxiety issue that rules minutes of my every day.  I read a blog back in May...around Mother's day. It's a letter to adoptive moms...and I love this part...
"Maybe you prayed for it. Maybe you had to convince a partner it was the right thing. Maybe you did it alone. Maybe people told you to just be happy with what you had before. Maybe someone told you it simply wasn’t in God’s plans for you to have a child, this child whose hair you now brush lightly from his face. Maybe someone warned you about what happened to their cousin’s neighbor’s friend. Maybe you ignored them.
Maybe you planned for it for years. Maybe an opportunity dropped into your lap. Maybe you depleted your life-savings for it. Maybe it was not your first choice. But maybe it was.
Regardless, I know you. And I see how you hold on so tight. Sometimes too tight. Because that’s what we do, isn’t it?"
That last line resonated with me in a big way.  She gets it.
Here is the link if you want to read the whole letter...it's a great read:)


Thanks for checking in today...I know I've been an erratic blogger this last year or so.  But for reals...this mama is BUSY:)  Don't fret...once all my children are grown and in school for the rest of their lives, I'll have plenty of time to write.  Maybe I'll start on a book...or maybe I'll get a job as a full time aid at their school.  That sounds nice:)


The kisser of a kindergartener,
Crazy Mama Crook






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