The Whispers...

If you read this blog (or know me at all;), then you know our story.  You know about the mountains and valleys and the long road we traveled to get to "Sam and JT Plus Three".  I'm still on a high...I haven't come down from the amazing mountain God placed me upon on December 14th, 2011.  I have however, had some time to reflect and see God's hands on every bit of our journey.  There were many times I couldn't see His hands or His purpose...but He was there.  He heard our cries and restored our joy.  He healed all of our pain in His own way.
Although I rarely think about it anymore, I remember October 16th 2006 vividly.  I remember walking into my Dr's appointment excited, innocent, and oblivious.  I remember the Dr. struggling to find a heartbeat, and after evaluating the size of our baby, telling us we miscarried.  It took a week for my body to react to the loss of our baby and I spent that week praying harder than I'd ever prayed for anything in my life.  My God can heal our baby...the Dr. could be wrong.  My prayers didn't matter, nature played it's course.  At least it seemed my prayers didn't matter.  But while I was grieving and questioning God, there was another baby being knit in the womb of another woman.  This baby girl would be born in 2007, the same year our baby would have been born (I "know" our baby was a girl too).  This baby girl would come into the world and travel a hard road on her way to us...she would wait for us and we would wait for her.  It was July 22nd 2009, the 1st morning Jayde woke up in our home, she woke up with a smile and called me "mama" with a question in her voice.  I was too weak to correct her...I answered with "yes" and mama it was.  I believe that was a whisper.  My God was letting me know that she was mine.
The spring of 2009, we met Julie.  She is the one who 1st opened our hearts to adoption...she devastated us in the process.  She gave us a baby and took him away just as fast.  Her baby boy was born that spring...so was Chandler.  He too, would travel a rough road on his way to us.  And God was preparing us to love a beautiful broken baby who would require more than we had ever imagined we could give. 
On February 6th 2009, we met a Elijah.  He was our 1st houseguest and he owned my heart for the months God gave me with him.  He is a handsome biracial boy with a personality that would have any mama at hello:)  It just so happens that on February 6th 2010, exactly one year later, our beautiful biracial baby Rowan came into this world...the 1st addition to the crazy "Crook" crew.  I don't think the exact date is a coincidence.  I believe it was a whisper.  Exactly one year after I met Elijah, the 1st child God entrusted to me... God gave us our 1st forever child, a baby boy that looks so much like him.  I can only hope Rowan will grow up to be as sweet:)   
All throughout our journey, I can now see God's hand, His whispers, His reasons, His plan.  He was designing and defining our family in His perfect way.  For each baby we lost, God was preparing us for babies He found and wanted us to love.  We had children all along...just not the ones we thought were ours.  When I think about all this I get those warm and fuzzy goosebumps.  I love my God and I'm SO glad He loves me the way He does.  He knows what's best for His children...this I know for sure!

Love,
Crazy Mama Crook