It's January 2010, and we just had an amazing Christmas and New Years. We were loving on our babies and I was working on being content...trying to focus on the blessings I did have and not on the things I didn't. My sister Caryn came up almost every Friday to hang out and love on the babies. On Friday, January 15, I was leaving her at home with Sissy so I could take Bubby to an appointment. I was in the car getting ready to pull out of the garage when she ran outside with the phone in her hand. It was our adoption couseler and yes...we had another match. She told me all about the birthmom who chose us, and that she was due in just two weeks and wanted to meet us! After Bubby's appointment, I drove to JT's school and walked into a gym full of kiddos. I wanted to tell him the news in person. He must have been super excited because he went in for a kiss! Right there in front of his students! I denied him in a nick of time, those 4th graders would have went nuts! Everything about this felt different, I think the fact that she chose us and wanted to meet us made it seem more real. I left this out of my last blog, but when we were matched before, the birthmom didn't actually choose us. We were her only option, there was no one else to choose from. This time the birthmom (I'll call her A) did have other couples to choose from, and she chose us! That in and of itself was a wonderful feeling. A woman chose US to be her baby's mom and dad. We met her 2 days later and it was just plain perfect. She was perfect. She explained everything, why she chose adoption, why she chose us, what she wanted for her baby, everything. She was beautiful, smart, well-spoken, kind, and just...I'm going to say it again...perfect. She was wearing jeans and a hoodie and I was surprised at how small she was for being almost 9 months pregnant. If I hadn't already known, I wouldn't have guessed she was pergnant at all. She told us a little about the birth father, he wasn't involved in any way and that was how she wanted it. We don't even know his name. She explained her family situation, she is a single mom struggling to take care of her two daughters, they were 1 and 2 at the time. She is very close to her parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts and uncles, and they all live in the same town. She chose to keep her pregnancy a secret from them because they didn't know about and wouldn't approve of her previous relationship with the birthfather. Her family has a very sad history of racism and her fear was that she and her girls would be disowned if they even knew she was pregnant with a biracial baby. Very sad. She loved and needed her family, she relied heavily on them for support. She also wanted more for her baby. She said that he deserved a big family and that was one thing that made us stand out. My side of the family is kind of huge. She also said she loved how happy we looked in all of our pictures, she loved our smiles. Music is a big part of her life and so the fact that I sang was important to her. She loved that JT was a teacher and that I planned to stay home with the baby. She had read our bio which explained what we had been through with Julie...she said that it broke her heart and she assured us that she was not going to do that to us again. I would have never asked her anything like that, but the fact that she brought it up and said that to me made me cry...right there in front of her. It was like she knew our biggest fear and wanted us to wait on our baby with peace. That was something we thought was impossible in the adoption process, but she gave us that gift and we accepted with complete trust. She talked about her girls and we shared funny stories. She was very matter of fact and unemotional. She didn't know the sex of the baby and had no prenatal care. I think she avoided these things to keep herself from getting attached, it was almost like she tried to hide her pregnancy from herself until inevitably, she had to deal with it. She didn't even call the agency to start the adoption process. She went to the hospital for an unrelated reason around 37 weeks, and they asked her about her pregnancy. When she told them her intentions, they connected her with an attorney who was connected with the agency. A couple phone calls and a meeting at Starbucks later, we were chosen...beautiful. After our dinner we walked to the parking lot together, we hugged, shared a few fears, and talked about how relieved we both were that it was so easy to be friends. We were authentic...and for me, given the situation, it was surprisingly easy. She really wanted us to meet her girls so we set up another dinner date for the next week.
I spent our drive home talking a mile and minute with my heart pounding in my chest. Is this real life? Is this really, finally, happening to us? It was so surreal. We were chatting away and loving our la la land until we saw the red and blue flashing lights behind us. We were driving through a small town, unfamiliar with the area, and probably not paying much attention. We got off without a ticket but it wouldn't have mattered either way, we were having a baby in 2 weeks! We just met and fell in love with the birthmom of our child and nothing was getting us down:) Well...then I got the flu during the week, the bad flu. I hadn't thrown up in years, maybe decades, and it was horrible. I threw up until I was throwing up air, I couldn't breath, and was too weak to move. I remember laying on the bathroom floor after an attempted shower and telling JT that I was ready to go home to Jesus. It was bad. That being said, I believe it's semi important to note here that one of my many nicknames (given by my husband) is "weak sauce". Anyway, I guess you could say I was physically down, but my heart was still good...just a little nervous that A could go into labor early and I would be in this gross sickly state. But she didn't and I was fully recovered by our next dinner date.
She called me almost every day and I loved it. I could feel how important our friendship was to her and I could also tell that she didn't really have anyone else to talk to. We talked a little about the baby and alot about life. We were unlikely friends with something HUGE in common. She was giving life to the very child we had been praying for for years. Adoption. Is. Beautiful. We met her girls and it was a delight and privilege. The following Saturday we had a foster care training class in her town, it was also her due date! I was on edge, cell phone in hand the entire time...no call. We continued to talk every day and with each one that passed, we both grew more anxious. On Friday, February 5th, I walked in Bubby's room to pray over him before I went to bed. Afterward, I just stood there watching him sleep and this feeling came over me. I looked behind me at all the baby boy things I had gotten at my shower in December and I just knew it was going to be a boy. And I had a feeling he was coming very soon.
You'll have to wait to find out how soon until next Monday...this blog is getting way long. The memories of his birth are flooding my mind right now and the joy is manifesting in an enormous smile as I sit here at the computer. I can't wait to tell you about it:) I am going to post an extra blog this week just for giggles...look for it on Wednesday. Thanks for reading friends!
Crazy Mama Crook