New Title...New Train of Thought

It was time for a new title. I love Sam and JT Plus Three and I'll miss it, but it just wasn't working anymore. A beautiful season it was...and onto more beautiful seasons we go! I actually changed the title over the summer, after Clara's adoption on that perfect June 20th day. I spent quite a bit of time thinking about this and a lot of self reflection took place. Let me elaborate, I Am a Worrier. The captain of the worrier mom club actually. Historically, I also struggle with saying goodbye to sweet seasons and stages of childhood for my beloveds. Like...really struggle. Everything is my favorite. Motherhood is my favorite. When Jayde (now 11) started preK (2 days a week for 4 hours), I mourned hard. I was excited for her...but fixated on the fact that my favorite chapter was ending and school would now be a part of our lives forever. The beginning of the end. I LOVED my time at home all day with three littles, Jayde was only 25 months old when she found herself the big sister to TWO little brothers! The days could be long and there were phases (when they all wore diapers) where we never left the house...but I loved it. And the reality that this season was ending broke a piece of my heart. I've had many such a season since and always find a way to invite sadness into the celebration. After family vacations or fun outings, I hear myself tell my children..."Don't be sad it's over, be glad it happened!" And it's time I take my own advice! So I've been working on this...I did not cry when our youngest started preK last September! It may have helped that I unexpectedly found out we are expecting the very next day! Literally...a hot minute after I took 1st day of school pictures and watched her pig tales bounce through her classroom door, I found out I'd be doing it all over again. So that was fun! But I digress...honestly, I'm praying my way into this new perspective. My kids bring me joy constantly, in every stage and season...so why be so sappy? There's something incredible around the corner! And I have a million pictures and videos to remind me and help me reminisce about the sweet seasons past. So, THIS is my favorite chapter. Right here, right now. We just wrapped up a favorite and I'm sure we're heading into another soon. I get to experience a life filled with family and love and all the joys and pains that loving your family brings. And that is a gift! A beautiful gift. In four short months, I'll get to watch our four big kids live life with their new baby sister and I'm certain that will be my favorite as well:)

I'm also really trying to cut down on my worrying. I worry about a lot of things a lot of the time, but I'm going to focus on the futuristic worries category. I do that. I worry about things literal years before they come to pass. Right now, for example, our kids are 4, 8, 9, and 11...and the top of my worry list contains items like: dating, driving, phone ownership, all things technology, who will the new baby room with in May 2020 after her first year (which will be spent in our room), will she have her own room, will the older girls share a room? And most recently...I think because I've been enjoying this Christmas break so very much...what will life be like for our youngest when she's in 8th grade and ALL OF HER SIBLINGS ARE GROWN AND OUT OF SCHOOL?! I love our house full! I love the busyness and volume and every crazy dynamic our big family brings. It's never boring, everyone has someone to play with and this baby is going to BE AN ONLY CHILD for like 5 years! Deep breaths. I'm still processing how to not worry about this. Actually, I came up with a solution! But when I told my husband I think we should have another child before this baby turns two, to avoid this devastating hypothetical problem in my brain, the look on his face was sheer panic mixed with fear mixed with those "my wife's insane" eyes that he gets sometimes. Baby #5 was a surprise by the way:) And he's embraced it beautifully! Mad props to the man who said he only wanted two children when he was a newly married 21 year old...and now has five. And who also happens to be dad of the year to each of them in every possible way. But I digress again...it's bad, this worrying problem. I have to get it under control. So living fully in every season, celebrating them as they end and anticipating the next with joy, remembering not to worry about tomorrow for it will bring it's own worries and today's trouble is enough for today (Matthew 6:34)...these are my goals. And I really REALLY want to reach them. Part of me believes that it's all just part of motherhood...the worrying and sentimental sappiness. But I also believe it doesn't have to be, and I want to do better. Because life is GOOD and I need to soak it up, all of it!

So there you have it, My Favorite Chapter. I'm living it now:) Seriously. And I'll write again soon! I really need to share more about this pregnancy! My mind is permanently blown and it's fun...so I'd like to invite your mind to be blown along with mine:) Thanks for reading! 

Worry free and fabulous 
(someday soon),

Samantha