Well here we are...June 6th 2018. Four years ago I rocked my daughter to sleep for the first time. But I didn't know she was my daughter. And then a year passed and this day was hard and confusing and sad for me. And then another year passed and it was even more hard and sad and confusing. And then two months after that, we said goodbye to her in a McDonalds parking lot. It wasn't a good goodbye, it was full of fear. Not unwarranted fear from a heartbroken foster mama, real fear founded in the recklessness and carelessness with a life that I loved more than my own. I had no control. But God. Three days later that fear was justified when a judge ordered that she be returned to us immediately. And then June 6th, 2017 came and went and it was hard and confusing but not so sad...hope had creeped in. And now today...Today! I didn't even realize it was the 6th until I was at the dentist office and had to sign something! Because today we are two weeks away from her adoption. The 6th of June will never ever ever be a hard day again, we'll be celebrating the day our daughter came home. I've had a skip in my step for some time, waiting with hope and peace and anticipation. But in two weeks I'll breath differently, the tightness in my chest will disappear completely. I'll have a very important piece of paper stating what SHE'S always known...that we belong to her:)
I don't know why God chose us for this. Ten years ago, we started a mission. We were called to love children and their parents, to minister to moms and dads and help heal families. To keep children safe in the waiting and love them but love their parents harder. Because these babies would go back home and that's something to celebrate when we know and trust the life they're going back to. At least that's what we thought God was calling us to, He told us in so many different ways that this is what He wanted. I misunderstood, I think. And I love THIS plan. But fighting for the healing of a family for years who doesn't join you in the fight is HARD. And I am so very naive, I probably always will be. I think understanding this world would only plague me with despair. And I think God created me this way for pretty clear purposes, His purposes. I don't pretend to know why He trusts us this much, why He chose us for these beautiful lives, but I'm thankful. More thankful than I'll ever be able to articulate. His plans are higher and better and here we are...He gets ALL the glory for this family He created. Designed and defined 100% by a Creator who knows what all six of us needed...each other.
THANK YOU for praying. I've asked so many times over the last four years...and so many of you have prayed faithfully in every single season of this journey. There have been countless messages and texts and hugs and talks over the last four years and I always knew we were covered. When I was too weak to pray myself, there were so many standing in the gap and my brokenness was bearable because of you...her army of prayer warriors. I'm so ready for this adoption day I can't stand it, my joy is on level 100 and my children might be over my constant singing and talking in foreign accents (sometimes joy comes out like that). (For me;). I just rocked my four year old to sleep. Well, not actually but she let me rock her for a super long time and pretended to be asleep so I'm counting it. I told her that my heart was exploding with love for her and asked if she could hear it singing...she said yes. I asked her what it sounded like and she belted some Rick Astley "I will never give you up" at the top of her delightfully off key lungs. It was perfect. This day couldn't have ended on a sweeter note. Do you know I found out that I have my first real cavity today?! I'm going to have to get a shot in my gums and I think there's drilling involved and I have no cares to give because this sunshine I'm walking on has no room for dental woes! I'm just in awe that I find myself here...again. What an incredible, breathtaking privilege. So here I am, falling madly in love...4 years later.
Only 2 weeks until forever:) #allthedays
In His love,
Samantha
